Dating Advice For The Single Father
I have clients come to me all the time who are fathers. And no matter the age of their children, these men often feel very overwhelmed and frustrated trying to date and meet new people while balancing the needs of those at home.
Yes, it’s true on some levels you need to approach dating a little differently if you’re a parent; you’ll have a more rigid schedule, and more of your finances will be earmarked for child care needs than for personal luxury expenses. And of course it’s a package deal when considering a future life partner, so there are more opinions and feelings that matter than just yours.
But at the same time, on other levels dating as a father isn’t any different than dating without children. And in fact, I’ve witnessed a client or two occasionally complicate the whole process way more than they need to.
So in order to avoid unnecessary potholes and frustrations, here are a few tips for all the single fathers out there to seamlessly merge your love life with your role as a parent:
- First and foremost, you are still sexy. You are still attractive. Don’t hold back because you think children have taken away your pizzazz. Nothing could be further from the truth! You can be a great father and an ideal romantic partner all at the same time.
- It’s okay – and in fact we encourage you – to separate your love life from your children in the beginning. Compartmentalizing is perfectly fine, and even healthy, for two reasons: first, you want a new lady in your life to get to know you for you, and it’s hard to do that if the children are brought into the picture too soon. And second, it’s not fair to your children to present what might initially be a revolving door of women as you casually date before meeting the right one. Make introducing your children a special occasion; a gift you offer to that woman you really think you might have a future with.
- If you feel awkward about dating, don’t hesitate to revamp the wardrobe or get a little coaching to boost your confidence! You’re not the first single dad to feel this way, and it’s always better to get advice and help up front instead of blowing it on a date.
- Don’t try and recapture your youth. In other words, don’t decide you’re going to run around reenacting your days at the frat house or out at the bars and clubs until 3am all weekend long. Life has moved forward, and the women you’re dating now are going to be a bit older, more mature, and impressed by things other than just your moves on the dance floor or how sexy your haircut looks.
- You can be realistic, but still be picky. You don’t have to settle for the first woman you meet who is willing to ‘accept’ the fact that you have children. While perhaps a woman who’s never been married and doesn’t have children might at first hesitate, that doesn’t mean there aren’t women out there who wouldn’t hesitate to accept and love both you and your children. So keep searching! You’re worth the time and the effort.