It\u2019s no secret New York City is considered a city with unlimited possibilities, and generally this is considered a good thing.<\/p>\n
But what about when it comes to your love life?<\/p>\n
One of the first things we do after meeting a new client or candidate for our confidential registry is review his or her dating and relationship history. (This is a critical part of the process, since we can\u2019t help a client break their unsuccessful patterns until we first identify what those patterns are.) And something we\u2019ve observed when it comes to singles from cities like New York<\/a> is that \u2013 particularly when they are younger \u2013 they often have a hard time settling down for the simple reason that they are always thinking there might be someone better waiting for them just around the next corner.<\/p>\n Someone who makes a little more money (even though the person they\u2019re with makes more than enough), or has just a little less baggage (even though the person they\u2019re with really doesn\u2019t have much), or is a little better looking (Amal got George, and they want a George too), or\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n You get the idea.<\/p>\n And yes, Tinder has in our opinion made this issue far, far worse. Because instead of having to get dressed up and physically go out to the bar or the club or the event to meet new people, now all someone has to do when feeling a little bored with their current relationship is swipe left or right while sitting on the couch. And in a city like New York, there\u2019s a lot of swiping a person can do without ever seeing the same profile twice.<\/p>\n This observation has caused us to contemplate whether or not being in a city with unlimited possibilities might almost be detrimental when it comes to the pursuit of a satisfying love life. Because often these same singles ultimately end up in our office not understanding why they haven\u2019t found \u201cthe one\u201d yet, when in fact they may very well have already found their ideal match, but were too busy looking at the sea of options around them to realize it. We also can’t forget the large amount of gold diggers in New York<\/a> as well.<\/p>\n Now, to be fair, we\u2019re not here to say that only New Yorkers have this problem; Tinder is available to people all over the world, and overall it has made scrolling through \u2018the options\u2019 any time you have an argument with your significant other far easier than it used to be. Still, there is a different feeling when stepping out your front door in Small Town, USA where you see the same people every day, versus stepping out of your apartment building in New York and being flooded with a sea of people you\u2019ve never seen before on a daily basis. That gives one the feeling that the possibilities truly are endless.<\/p>\n Feeling like the possibilities are endless is great when it comes to things like career ambitions\u2026but in our experience, it really doesn\u2019t work so well when it comes to your love life. In fact, it can lead people to saying \u2018goodbye\u2019 to people who really are good matches, simply because they\u2019ve hit one of the natural waning periods of their relationship where more work is required to keep the spark alive, and it almost seems easier to find someone new than put in the work to maintain what they already have.<\/p>\n So here are a few pieces of advice from Sameera Sullivan, our Founder and CEO, on how to avoid getting caught up in the ultimately unsatisfying loop of \u201cendless possibilities\u201d for dating in New York City<\/a>:<\/p>\n 1. If you\u2019re currently in a relationship, evaluate how happy\/satisfied you are in that relationship first before anything else. Always start with that. If you are truly unhappy, then of course don\u2019t stay; but if you\u2019re simply bored or restless, try to see if that can be fixed first. Particularly if the relationship is over a year old, as any issues you\u2019re having might just be due to the fact that the initial \u2018spark\u2019 has faded and now you\u2019ve entered the (very normal) waxing and waning periods of a long-term commitment. If overall you feel happy, supported, and accepted for who you are, it\u2019s probably a relationship worth working on.<\/p>\n 2. Also if you\u2019re in a relationship, delete any and all dating apps off your phone. This might sound silly, but you\u2019d be amazed how many people keep their Tinder profile active just so they can scroll once in a while. Even if you think it\u2019s just a little harmless fun, subconsciously your brain is actually very seriously scrolling through \u2018options\u2019, and that isn\u2019t the right mindset if you\u2019re trying to commit long term to the partner you\u2019re with.<\/p>\n 3. If you\u2019re single and feeling overwhelmed by what seems like endless possibilities and you don\u2019t even know where to begin, then you\u2019re going about it all wrong. Keep things simple; whether it\u2019s online dating you\u2019re trying, or networking with friends, or bar\/club hopping, don\u2019t put too much pressure on yourself to find \u201cthe one\u201d immediately. That can lead to a fear that you\u2019ll make a mistake by choosing \u201cthe wrong one\u201d, which can easily lead to paralysis where you aren\u2019t able to make a commitment of any kind. We\u2019ve seen that many times before. Remember, this whole journey is about being happy. It shouldn\u2019t be stressful. Just follow the opportunities that leave you feeling happy and satisfied, keep an open mind, and things will sort themselves out.<\/p>\n Ultimately, it\u2019s important to understand this: whether you\u2019re surrounded with a million people, or just a dozen, a true connection with someone is still a rare, beautiful thing. Something you won\u2019t find with just anyone. And when you find that, it\u2019s worth fighting for. When you find someone who allows you to be exactly who you are, and supports you in pursuit of your goals and your passions, that\u2019s all you need. You don\u2019t need anyone else.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n _______<\/p>\n Need to find the right match to date? Talk to our NYC team<\/a>\u00a0today!<\/p>\nBut is this a good thing?<\/h3>\n